The Bridge

This week, both my kids (ages 6 and 11) reacted negatively (and fairly strongly) to a Biblical truth (these were two separate instances).  This was very unusual.  They have both always been excited about the Bible and church and spiritual things I have taught them, in the past.

This got me to thinking about parenting.

Let's think about sending our children across a bridge as the analogy of their maturing process.  Point A is birth and point B is adulthood.  The piers are the values we parents impart.

I think most parents think that by sending their children to church and private school, and maybe even reading them Bible stories, they are putting the supports (values) in place, for a steady, secure life, for their children.  They believe that their children will get to the other side of that bridge safely.

But it doesn't quite work out that way.  I have been doing a lot of learning in the area of understanding my children's heart.  We as parents could be imparting values, but if it just goes in one ear and out the other, without sinking down into the heart of the child, that pier is not made of solid material.  It's going to be a shaky foundation.  It's not going to last.

You may not see the effects right away.  Most of the time, we see the effects when the child is about 3/4 of the way across the bridge, in the teen years.  All of a sudden, the child becomes a totally different (so-called) person.  But in fact, this is who they were all along, in their heart of hearts.  It just took the added stress of teenage-hood to shake the already unsteady foundation of their bridge.

And many times, by the time they reach adulthood, this is what we see...

How do you know if your values are reaching your child's heart?  How do you know if their bridge's piers are solid?  You test them--along the way.  You don't want until the teenage years to see what becomes of them.  Before that, you put some pressure on them, some tension on them (the piers/values).  What do I mean?  All of us will reveal our true character under pressure, the pressures of life.  Tension is a pulling action.  I try to pull out what's inside my kid's hearts by asking lots of questions, have a lot of dialog (not monologue--and I'm still working on that one).

Are your children free to show disagreement (in a respectful way)?  Are they free to ask why you believe what you believe?  Do you ever ask for their opinion on matters of values?  Do they have the freedom to speak their mind to you?

I showed each of my children from the Bible what the truth was (which was different from their own opinions).  We had open discussions about those beliefs.  I'm glad they were able to speak their minds, and I'm sure those issues will come up again.  I could tell they each didn't really find resolution in their own minds.  So, these are piers in their life that are not quite solid yet.  I pray that the Holy Spirit will open their eyes to God's truth in these areas.  (Eph. 1:17-19, Is. 54:13)

If you want to learn more about reaching the heart of your children, I highly recommend reading Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp, and Age of Opportunity by Paul David Tripp.



P.S.  I'm thinking, as I'm writing this, that some of you may be thinking that children don't necessarily have to adopt the values of their parents to have a fine life.  In fact, I've read of parents that want their children to be such "free-thinkers" that they want them to question everything and they in turn expose them to everything and expect that they won't adopt their values.  They think that these "free-thinkers" have brought much needed change and toleration to our world.  So, let me clarify.  I am speaking to Christian parents, and I'm assuming your set of values are based on the Bible, which is the only absolute truth in this world.  If your values are not (now would be a good time to check that out), then I hope your children don't adopt them.

I found top bridge picture at Wikimedia Commons.  It is a picture taken by David Monniaux of the Rio-Antirio Bridge in Greece.  I thought it beautiful.  David Monniaux has no affiliation with this blog whatsoever.  The second picture is of part of I-35 that bridged the Mississippi river.  It is public domain.