Dispensations in Parenting

In my last post on dispensations I promised a follow-up on how this can apply to parenting.  So you will want to be familiar with that list in order to understand this article.  Click the link to read that.  I have inserted numbers here and there to indicate which dispensation I am referencing.


When children are born, they are innocent (1); they do not have a knowledge of good and evil. At some point they do learn of good and evil, right and wrong. This is a different time for every child. Sometimes you can see the 18-month old that knows not to touch the plant, by the look in their eye—you know that look. This is not to be confused with the "age of accountability", I believe that comes at an older age.  That is the age when a child realizes their sinfulness and their need for a Savior.  With the really young child we are talking about the conscience stage (2). At the point we begin to see that the child has a knowledge of right and wrong, we institute rules of the house. This is the government stage (3), family government. We institute consequences to help them choose right, because if left to their own devices, they will inevitably choose wrong.

As our children grow, we should be teaching our children about God’s promises (4)—His blessings, His favor, His grace, His character. We should be teaching our children about God’s principles, His laws (5) and why they were given, His standards and how we cannot measure up, His symbolism showing His plan for a Savior. Don’t present God’s law just as a back-up for your rules. This is manipulation. We should be teaching our children about God’s Spirit (6) and how He indwells us and enables us to meet His standards; how He works in us our whole lives to conform us to the image of Christ. And finally we should be teaching our children about the Kingdom of God (7), how He is returning to rule on the earth, how He is going to judge our works and reward us, and how we can rule and reign with Him. This gives them hope--hope that one day all will be made right in the world, good will triumph over evil.

If we leave any of these categories out, we fall out of balance. If we decide to use family government and God’s law, but leave out the aspects of God’s Spirit enabling us and His promises of blessing that He has for us (separate from our works), this is called legalism. Legalistic families produce children that are full of resentment, rebellion, self-righteousness, and possibly even end up rejecting the faith.

Conversely, some families want to disregard the government (3) and law (5) categories because they know that God loves them unconditionally and makes His grace abound toward us. They know that He does not pour out wrath and punishment on us (He already did that with Christ and He was our substitute). So the tendency is to be lenient with our children. God is merciful with us, so shouldn’t we be merciful with our children? We are no longer under the law, so why are we putting our children under it?  The tendency is not to discipline but just to try to convince kids through reasoning that they should behanve.  But if you leave out government and law, you will produce children with no godly character, and their lives will suffer because of it.

Too many of us just stop at the stage of government. We really just want to keep control of our children. But who are our children anyway? Why did God give them to us?

In this area as well as all others we need to take in the whole counsel of God. I believe that looking at God’s plan for man, these 7 dispensations, will help us parent more completely. The goal should be to teach our children that God loves them unconditionally, even though they are sinners. They need Christ, not only to save them, but to empower them to live their lives the way God planned, to be conformed to the image of Christ, developing godly character. They will never be perfect, but they can press on, as Paul put it. The earlier they learn these principles, the more peace they will have in their lives—with their siblings, with you, with teachers, coaches, with friends, eventually co-workers, a spouse, and their own children. And most importantly, we need to teach them how to know God and hear His voice. If they won’t receive correction from us, how will they receive correction from God’s Word as adults?

Please don’t think I have mastered this. I am learning, too. If you want to learn more, I highly recommend reading Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp, and Age of Opportunity by Paul David Tripp.